Not just another Friday

Today is Good Friday.

The girls are at Nana's, and Jason and I are each taking the day to be by ourselves. A day to seek God.

Amazing what you can hear, think, and see when you have no agenda and the whole day to intentionally pursue Him.

It's funny how I throw away so many days doing what I want and think I need to do, when on the days I take for Him, I drink and am full and satisfied. I just want to keep hearing His voice. Why don't I do this more often?!

I learn.
I discover, again, who I make myself to be. God. I think I am God. I want to be God. I want everyone to respect my time, my space, my life, my ideas. How dare people drive to slow in front of me, budge in line, call at dinner, not listen when I speak, not do what I ask. I am important! I live daily in idolatry - over myself. How despicable. But I do it everyday. Everyday this world frustrates me. And I think I deserve better.

Yes, I try to be God, and I fail everyday. I sin over and over again, disappoint and frustrate people, forget my own rules. I can't do it, I can't save myself, I can't win. I try to hard to change using the law: rules. I.e. I will not yell at my children today. FAIL. Every time someone hurts me, I will instantly forgive them. FAIL. I will not let people frustrate me today. FAIL.

But, today I am reminded. Christ whispers. It is because of Him that I am here. My Creator. It is because of Him that I am something. My Father. It is because of His love that I will not perish. My Savior.

My pride keeps me on my feet, while I should be at the feet of my Lord. How humble I feel when the one who put the stars in their place, looked at me, a sinner, and thought I was worth dying for.

Today is Good Friday. Christ, being perfect and sinless, died a brutal death because of love, for me. He died for the wicked, brokenhearted, lost, for everyone! We were lost in the darkness and His light rescued us! Light wins! Salvation and freedom has nothing to do with me. It is all because of Him! I will continue to fail, I will never be God, I will never win by myself. BUT, I am VICTORIOUS because of the love of the Father, the sacrifice of the Son, and the dwelling of the Holy Spirit.

This Good Friday, it is all about HIM, yet it is all about US! He's done it for US! Not because we are good, holy, beautiful, perfect, and deserve it; but, because we can't do it, and he loves us too much to see us perish. He wants us! We are His!